vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
