he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
