I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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