we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
