Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
