Sry I called you an 8
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The air was thick with penises
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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