I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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