It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
