Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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