I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
