i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
