if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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