That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
