Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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