oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
