I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
