you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
