fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
