Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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