2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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