my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
