So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
