white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
