well you can't waste a boner
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
