there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
