last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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