hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
