I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize