Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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