hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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