is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
