this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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