dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
