what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
