Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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