his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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