mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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