we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
