He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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