Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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