i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
