He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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