I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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