I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
