he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
