I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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