You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
