I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
