dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
