Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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