textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
