I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
