DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
