hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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