Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
