I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
