I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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