Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
