the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
