i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
