Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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