Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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