It's like God shit irony all over that family
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
