this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
