i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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