I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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