she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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