the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think my moral compass just broke
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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