Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
