im six kinds of drunk right now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
