Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
