I think I won the penis lottery.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
