Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
