what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize