Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everything about him screamed your future.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
