im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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