i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
