I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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