I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
