that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
