I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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